This article was inpsired by a Facebook post disussing the potential success and shortcomings of dating in the salsa scene.  Its an attempt to capture many of the opinions expressed in a debate which sparked a stream of over 50 comments.

The dynamics of dating in Salsa include aspects that both facilitate and hinder individuals from taking their on-floor connection to the next level - dating.  A recent blog post by Edie “the Salsa Freak” presented a perspective that dating in salsa is pointless and won’t work.  Yet, as you look around the scene, especially in San Diego, there are an increasing number salsa couples openly dating, becoming engaged and even getting married.  You also see successful relationships between dedicated dancers and non-dancers.  

Like anything worth working for, its not easy.  There are both missteps and pitfalls salseros and salseras encounter when mixing their dancing with dating.  At the same time there are several positive aspects in doing so.  

So, what's your excuse?

“I don’t date anyone in the scene” - on goes the protective armor.  

“What if it goes bad? Then I’ll see them every night anyway?” - the castle gate shuts. 

“She warned me!” - the archers draw their bows.

“Salseros are all players!” - the drawbridge goes up.  

At this point, just stay in the castle for the night.   

Statements or policies as such are often residue from previous encounters gone bad or throwing a blanket over some other issue. Saying "I don't date left handed people" might make more sense.  This applies to both guys and gals, as it comes from both sides.  

Its really up to the individuals involved, and having a clear understanding of expectations isn’t instant, it takes time and good communication.  Many people keep their relationships private until they are confident their bond is solid and sharing it with such a close knit group of friends is more of a celebration than an inquisition.    

“The mind is like a parachute, it only works when it is open”

Those who fail to judge the individual, and use a stereotype to make a decision about who they date are entitled to do so.  Yet, those who refuse to date others who dance aren’t sharing a large part of who they are with their partner.  Dating a non-dancer can be done successfully, many do it.  The challenge lies in having a non-dancer understand that its “just” a dance (whew! with bachata, even tough for the dancer to believe), accept the hours of studio rehearsal and forgive you for choosing to get your fix rather than watch a movie.   A salsa lifestyle that includes dedicated nights of social dancing, team practices, late night parties and Congress travel can cause a significant point of contention in a relationship.  It’s not unlike the partner of a tri-athlete or golfer - hence the term “Golf-widow”.  It works for some relationships and causes others to fail.

In the end, it’s life.  Some people are open and ready to meet others and take a shot at dating, some aren’t.  What’s amusing is how quickly the archers are called off and the drawbridge is lowered when you meet someone interesting.  

Just beware of Trojan horses, and yes, there are sharks in the moat ready to snatch up those dipping their toe in for the first time.  “Love is a Battlefield” and like anything there are risks and rewards, and it's no time to be reckless - just ask the infamous General Custer.